Spending money (I don’t have)

I find that I am very good at spending my money on things that I can’t afford and just do not need.

It makes my life very difficult at times. I will have spent all my money on cigarettes, alcohol, clothes, pretty much useless crap, and then when it comes to paying bills I can’t do it.

The amount of times I have had my electricity go off with no means to get it back on, or I have simply run out of food and not eaten for a few days.

It’s a serious impulse control issue.

I have tried budgeting, writing down what I spend, just not taking money out with me when I leave the house. But I still end up spending it stupidly and ending up with nothing for the necessities.

I will then be too embarrassed to ask for help. I cannot go to my parents, and I hate myself whenever I have to borrow money from my friends. 

People put it down to me just being stupid. But I know the real reason.

My bipolar, it makes my impulse control almost non existent. At the time it always seems like a good idea to go on that night out and spend £50, or I always really need that new pair of jeans, even though I already have enough to open my own shop.

Maybe one day I will be able to figure something out to help me with this impulse control issue, but right now I just have to survive until that day comes.