Dating, how do I even?

I had a 4 and a half year relationship, I don’t know how to date?!

How do you do it? Because I am just at a loss.

The nerves alone are just beyond intimidating. Meeting someone new, trying to make a good impression.

The thoughts that go through my head are just insane.

Am I dressed okay? Am I underdressed? Am I overdressed? Too much make up? Not enough? Does it make me look slim? Or is it making me resemble something close to a beanbag?

Those are just a few.

Self confidence is a massive component of dating, and that is something I just don’t have. I can fake it, but internally I am screaming, running in circles and curled up in the corner.

Nothing is harder than trying to be someone you aren’t, especially with mental illness. Stress triggers stuff for me..dating is stressful. You see my problem!

If anyone has any tips for dating please let me know!

Dating and Mental Health

Imagine going from a long term relationship, where that one person knows all your flaws, how exactly your personality works, can match your humour and just all in all understands you, to having to start from scratch? Scary right?

Well imagine that with mental health, this can be anything from anxiety to a mental disorder..

I have anxiety, bpd and bipolar, this makes life extremely difficult but it makes dating 10 times worse.

These people have no idea who I am, how I am..nothing. 

Meeting someone new comes with all sorts of problems, anxiety for me being the worse. I am very uncomfortable in new situations.

My standard procedure is to be something I am not. I hide who I am. I have been burned before for owning up to who I am and admitting to these people that I have things wrong with me that I can’t always control. It scares people and prevents me from making any kind of connection. I am just seen as a mental illness instead of an actual person with feelings. And each time I get rejected it breaks me a little bit more.

Nothing is more soul destroying than having to pretend to be something I am not. It’s mentally exhausting. 

I face other problems as well though. My other mental health problems get in the way.

I date someone, talk to them for a while and get to know them. Then for a reason I can’t quite control I can unfortunately have an attachment to them. I fall for them easily. 

I analyse everything, and always just assume I have done something wrong…it’s horrible.

It’s just difficult to be myself, dating is just a nightmare and some times I just want to give up!