For a while I was unable to write, I mean, yes I blogged, but for the longest time, I wanted to write a book, something of a fiction nature. I always had so many ideas but just never acted on them. I was so uncommitted that I never even wrote these ideas down. Gone for ever. It is possibly I would remember them again, but I would go through the same cycle. Get idea – forget idea and repeat. It was a nightmare.
I always used to write. On my old laptop there are various word documents where I would write a few paragraphs, get a new idea, and start writing a new one. I never actually finished anything, but I was okay with that, I just enjoyed writing, getting my ideas on paper, making them real.
Well, a few years ago, I lost that. And it was rather upsetting if I am truly honest. to be even more honest, I lost the urge to do a lot of things I loved. I know this is a symptom of depression, but that doesn’t make it any less..well..depressing. I would try and fight that lethargic lack of interest that I developed, but I just couldn’t get myself to do anything I previously enjoyed. From reading a book, going for a bike ride and of course writing.
I took up blogging in the hopes that It would help me get that spark back. Because this is a form of creative writing on its own. I am taking my ideas about things that are happening in my life and creating something for others to read, but even after a year of running this particular blog, it didn’t happen.
My dream is, and has been for a long time, to be a writer, to write a book, to write something of worth that affects people on a great scale, that makes them happy, makes them sad. To make them feel.
And well of course, there is a reason I am writing this post, on this particular subject.
I have my spark back. I finally picked up my laptop, opened up a word document, and I wrote something. Completely fictional. But i found an idea, and i wrote it down, I kept it there, hoping it would encourage me to actually write and for some unknown reason it has.
So, for now, I am happy. I have my spark back and I am trying my hardest to keep that spark lit. I haven’t put any pressure on myself. I don’t have any ridiculous expectations that I have to write 2 pages a day. My only rule is that everyday, I write something, whether it is a sentence or pages and pages. Its that small amount of structure that I require, and that helps me function as a person who aspires to do something with their life that they have dreamed of.
I understand my dream isn’t always something people manage, I know that, there is so false hope or expectations. So many authors have just gotten where they are from pure luck. And of course, I know that I will no where near be the next J.K Rowling. But maybe if I can just get one thing published… But dreams are dreams for a reason.BEa