FUCKING FUCKY FUCK.

Just another thing I have to deal with.

A little back story:

A couple of years ago, there was an incident which involved a taxi driver taking advantage of me. It was difficult, it broke me for a long time, especially because there was about a year and a half of waiting, waiting to find out if anything would happen, would he get punished etc. Well eventually no. He didn’t, but by the time I found out that he wasn’t going to be, I just wanted it to be over anyway. I just didn’t care, I could move on now, try and get over it without it looming over me like a dark cloud.

Well no here we are six months later, and turns out this piece of scum has done it again. Yeah, that’s right. AGAIN!

And now all that shit that I spent literal years trying to get over and move past, it is coming back and showing its ugly face.

I have to go through everything again, and again, recount every small detail, ever excruciating moment. It is going to be hell. I feel like I am right back in that car again, reliving it, while I wait to give my statement and whether or not I have to go to court about this.

I had put everything to bed, moved on, accepted it all, yet here I am, going through the exact same struggles.

Its hard to deal with, I am in a better place, a stable job, a good relationship, and all I can feel is the violation that happened and that I felt for 2 years.

Knowing how to cope is the real struggle. I have to appear fine, I have to get on with my daily life, my job. Just have to be normal.

Its going to be difficult, I don’t want to deal with it. I could have said no. But then I think about what the poor girl went through, and my heart breaks for her. I was there, I know how she felt, what he looked like while he was doing it, everything, its etched into my brain forever. How could I say no and let her do this alone, let her go through the over a year of hell I dealt with alone?

I couldn’t. I may be a horrible person, but I am no where near that heartless.

I just can’t begin to deal with any of it right now.

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