One thing I think I struggle with the most, is memory loss. When an episode, disassociate and essentially become a different person. I don’t remember it.
I don’t remember what I have done, what I’ve said, where I’ve been, who I’ve spoken to, so on and so forth. And that is frustrating, beyond belief.
Just sections of my life are missing and I have to be filled in by those around me, and that’s if someone is around to help, if not I feel lost in the abyss that is my own mind.
I’ve lost hours, days and weeks. It makes daily tasks difficult. I can’t remember if I have paid a bill, maid an appointment, even eaten.
I have tried different ways to help me remember, using calendars, writing everything down but I can’t control what happens when an episode occurs.
People, even those close to you don’t always understand how you can just “not remember” something. And if I am honest, I don’t understand it either. It is tough and finding someone who does get it is even tougher. But it’s not important. Just being okay with yourself whether you understand it or not is what matters!
Mental illness, making life difficult, one day at a time.