Self esteem, or lack of..

For as long as I can remember I have had a serious self esteem problem. As I’ve gotten older it’s only gotten worse.

I’ve slept with men just to feel good about myself, countless one night stands. I only end up feeling worse.

I stand in front of a mirror a judge myself, taking note of every single flaw, mocking myself, ripping myself to shreds.

I plaster myself in make up to fool myself into thinking that I am worth something. 

I want to be flawless, and strive to be so but I never will be.

I lack control in my life and have taken to starving myself to get another form of perfection … My weight.

For some reason I have associated being thin with my happiness. Every mouth full of food makes me disappointed and angry. 

I want self esteem, I want to feel good no matter what I see in the mirror. I need confidence. 

I just want to be happy…for once..

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