For as long as I can remember I have had a serious self esteem problem. As I’ve gotten older it’s only gotten worse.
I’ve slept with men just to feel good about myself, countless one night stands. I only end up feeling worse.
I stand in front of a mirror a judge myself, taking note of every single flaw, mocking myself, ripping myself to shreds.
I plaster myself in make up to fool myself into thinking that I am worth something.
I want to be flawless, and strive to be so but I never will be.
I lack control in my life and have taken to starving myself to get another form of perfection … My weight.
For some reason I have associated being thin with my happiness. Every mouth full of food makes me disappointed and angry.
I want self esteem, I want to feel good no matter what I see in the mirror. I need confidence.
I just want to be happy…for once..