While the title seems a little extreme, I am here to tell you that in fact it is not.
Today, at 2pm I was meant to go to my college and do a mock exam in Law. What is it I did instead? I had 3 panic attacks from 9am. Threw up from stress and panic twice. And to top it all off I nearly passed out. Long story short, I didn’t go to the exam. I have now received a text and an email from my personal tutor asking me to ring him, something I am not going to be able to do in any shape or form so I will do my usual tactic and ignore it until it hopefully goes away.
I simply cannot do exams, no matter how hard I try, I just seem to flail, panic and give up. I tried revising, and was revising until about 1am this morning. I took notes and even tried to get a decent night sleep, which was impossible, I woke up many times from stress induced nightmares, and was woken up this morning by my friend calling my at around 9 to check I was up. Which is when the panic set in.
I don’t like the control that anxiety seems to have over me. Luckily it was only a mock exam. It could have been a lot more damaging.
I have got an appointment with my doctor on wednesday, well I say appointment, she is going to call me at some point. I have to get a new prescription, a new sick note and now a letter explaining they I have an anxiety disorder and would perhaps benefit from more time in an exam or something like that. I don’t know.
I just have to try an get myself together now and revise for my exam (mock) on Wednesday, which is in history. But I like history so I won’t actually mind..in theory.
I just want anxiety to take a back seat for about 2 months. It can come back after that, just the next 2 months off from it would be lovely.