A different path to University

As described in a previous post which can be found here, I have made my opinion about me going to University clear. It just isn’t for me.

So what do I do instead?

Well, my plan is an internship, a writing internship. Being as my main love is writing and that is what I want to go into as a career when I am older, I thought there would be nothing better.

I was wrong! It isn’t so difficult to find internships here in Liverpool. Like incredibly difficult. I spent hours scouring the internet hoping to find something. I have applied to a couple that I have found and got one response but still, I need more options. I chose to not go to University for this. And now its come round and bit me on the ass. Everything has gone tits up.

I applied to this thing on the Guardian, as they have a student section, so maybe that could lead somewhere, or at least get me some more experience. Which can be found here is anyone is interested in attempting it as well.

I wish I could go back to my younger self and tell her to pick something more realistic as a career, but nope. I am stuck. I do not want to do anything else, its my passion.

Being an adult is hard and I wish I had known that as a child..I think I would have appreciated my childhood a little bit more.

 

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Motivation…or lack of

I have 2 mock exams coming up.
Law – Monday 1st February
History – Wednesday 3rd February

For some horrible reason I just cannot seem to get the motivation to revise for either of them. And it isn’t like they are just small exams, especially law..They have a lot of content that has to be covered due to the possibility of it coming up on the test.

So now I am panicking, and making myself feel even worse about the whole thing. I know they are only mocks and don’t count towards my final grade, I just don’t want to do horribly.

It is basically one massive downward spiral that I am heading into and I am finding it difficult to function and cope with stress of it all.

Lists

Something I need to start doing again is writing lists. They help me so much, just the structure of them help me function during the day. I used to make all kinds of lists, from detailed shopping lists (for food) as well as shopping lists for standard everyday items I might need. Then of course there was the lists so I don’t forget anything in the morning.

Its organisation that I need to get back into. I am just so bad at it lately and it doesn’t help me at all. I need organisation to function. Which is probably why every now and then I will tidy (and organise) my friend flat..yes…I do that…I will help tidy her flat but I wont tidy mine..It just doesn’t make any sense.

I am definitly going to start, I already have a designated notebook that is only small so I can carry it around with me everywhere easily. It will also help with when I think of blog posts I suppose as well.. Two birds with on stone!

 

New and improved morning routine: College edition..

7 am – Wake up
7:05 – Make coffee
7:10 – Drink flask of water, then refill it and put back in the fridge
7:15 – Brush teeth, wash face, weigh self
7:30 – Get dressed
7:45 – Do hair and make up
8:00 РCheck social media (facebook, twitter, tumblr, wordpress etc..)
8:15 – Pack bag for college
8:30 – Leave home

 

Hopefully having a structured and timed routine will help me in the mornings. It needs to because right now I really struggle to get up and actually go to college on a regular basis.

Bad eating habits, electronics and assignments…

It seems to slowly be becoming a problem for me again. When I was younger I really struggled with eating and developed bulimia. And it was very difficult. I barely ate at all, or I would just eat everything I could manage until I was physically sick.

Today all I have eaten, and all I am planning on eating are a few chocolate coins. Even that feels like too much. I have a plan though, on Wednesday, I am going to go out to a restaurant and eat with a friend. This is after I get my hair cut so I will feel better..

Also, as well as college, I am going to be going to a second hand electronics store and get my self a external hard drive! I need one so badly, the memory on this laptop is awful so I am limited as to what I can actually save on it.

Plus, I have an old laptop that I still use but is on its way out, and I just have so much on there that I need to save…and soon!!

Talking of college, I have 2 overdue assignments, I just never did them. With Scotland I never did work up there and its now a week later and I am no closer to finishing them. I fucked up again. It seems the only way I can work is last minute and in a panic…

 

Sleeping…

My sleeping has been very sporadic lately. The other day I slept for 16 hours, I woke up a couple times but went straight back to sleep. Its just bizarre.

Last night I slept for about 11 hours. And this was straight through. No waking up.

It worries how much I am sleeping, I am going back into old habits and I can feel the depressive episode coming on. Which scares me.

I found an old razor blade earlier and I broke down.I am scared of going back and not being able to come out of it again.

I have asked my friend to come over tonight, just to give me some piece of mind and make me feel safe and secure again.

Sickness

I have just developed some horrible sickness, I feel like death. Done the adult thing and emailed my college to let them know though. I hate having to email and call when its adult things like that. It properly puts me on edge. Feel really crap. Like they are going to tell me off.

Hopefully I will be alright tomorrow.